“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they’re too exhausted to be any longer. The people they don’t recognize inside themselves anymore. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into. We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out; to become speedily found when they are lost. But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way. Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame. Sometimes it will be a flicker that disappears and temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness.”
Internal peace is a great feeling – art sculpture photo taken from a favourite artist in Hout Bay, Cape Town
Lessons from the past 18 months have shown me the true colours of people and highlighted where I needed to grow and change from outdated relationships-season, reason or lifetime? We adapt, we learn, we grow, and let go for the new. Some stay, some go, and some new people arrive who are my tribe of feel good vibes. There is no race as we all adapt and grow at different paces. These words I stumbled across and it really resonated with me to what I have been randomly feeling and thinking yet had no intention of trying to articulate into meaningful written words.
‘‘Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you yet! This is the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you yet. Stop hard conversations with people who don’t want to change. Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence. Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.
Let the light in
I know your instincts do everything to win the good mercy of everyone around you, but it’s also the impulse that will steal your time, energy and mental, physical and spiritual health.
When you start manifesting yourself in your life, completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to find you in this place of pure sincerity.
That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. That means you have to stop loving people who don’t want to love you yet. When you are excluded, subtly offended, forgotten or easily ignored by people you give time to, you don’t do yourself any favour by allowing them your energy and your life. The truth is that you’re not for everyone… And that not everyone is for you… That makes this world so special, when you find the few people you have friendship, love or a true relationship with…
You will know how valuable that is… Because you have experienced what isn’t… But the more time you spend trying to make you loved by someone who cant… The more time you waste depriving the same connection…
There are billions of people on this planet, and many of them will end up with you, on their level, with their vibration, from where they stand…
But… The smaller you stay, involved in the privacy of people who use you as a pillow, background option, a therapist and a strategy for their emotional healing… More time you stay out of the community you wish for. If you stop showing up, you might be less wanted… If you stop trying, the relationship might stop… If you stop texting, your phone stays dark for days and weeks… Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve… That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship! That means all this relationship had was the energy that only you and you hire to keep it in the air.
It’s not love. That’s attachment. That’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t want it!
The most valuable and most important thing you have in your life is your energy. Its not just your time because it’s limited… It’s your energy! What you give every day is what will become more and more in your life. It’s the ones you give time and energy that will define your existence.
When you realize this, you start to understand why you are so impatient when you spend your time with people that don’t suit you, and in activities, places, situations that don’t suit you.
You’re starting to realize that the most important thing you can do for your life, for yourself and for everyone you know, protect your energy stronger than anything.
Turn your life into a safe sanctuary where only ” compatible ” people with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving people. You are not responsible to convince them to be saved.
It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life, little by little, moment after the moment!
Because if you feel bad or if you feel obliged; you are the root of all of this by your insisting, afraid they promise you the favors you won’t give them…
It’s your only fact to realize that you are the loved one of your destiny and to accept the love you think you deserve.
Decide you deserve a true friendship.
Wait then… just a minute… And look how everything is starting to change…”
Sometimes a quote eloquently expresses what’s in my mind and heart! Charlie Chaplin sums this up beautifully.
“I have forgiven mistakes that were indeed almost unforgivable. I’ve tried to replace people who were irreplaceable and tried to forget those who were unforgettable.
I’ve acted on impulse, have been disappointed by people when I thought that this could never be possible. But I have also disappointed those who I love.
I have laughed at inappropriate occasions. I’ve made friends that are now friends for life. I’ve screamed and jumped for joy.
I’ve loved and I’ve been loved. But I have also been rejected and I have been loved without loving the person back. I’ve lived for love alone and made vows of eternal love.
I’ve had my heart broken many, many times! I’ve cried while listening to music and looking at old pictures. I’ve called someone just to hear their voice on the other side. I have fallen in love with a smile. At times, I thought I would die because I missed someone so much. At other times, I felt very afraid that I might lose someone very special (which ended up happening anyway.)
But I have lived! And I still continue living everyday. I’m not just passing through life… and you shouldn’t either.
Live! The best thing in life is to go ahead with all your plans and your dreams, to embrace life and to live everyday with passion, to lose and still keep the faith and to win while been grateful.
All of this because the world belongs to those who dare to go after what they want. And because life is really too short to be insignificant.”
